Friday, 30 April 2010

Going down down down ... my fat ass, my fat ass

Apologies to Johnny Cash but glorious news fellow fat people. My scale dipped 2.4lbs today! Ok - so I am pretty sure that isn't actual fat but probably water, but you know what?! I don't care. It is down 2.4lbs!

I was back to the walking this morning. I am getting a skipping rope on the weekend to incorporate that into my walking - get that heart rate up (the earth shall rumble on Monday!) but every day it will rumble a little less as my fat disappears.

Be gone you evil nasty fat be gone. The real me is about to break free of this oppressive fat suit and then there will be trouble.

And I can't wait ...

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Sabotage thy name is MOI

Have not walked in days.
Have consumed some of my delicious evil brownies.
Day-dream about being thin but not actually doing the physical effort to make it happen.

I have nobody to blame but myself.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Sticks and Stones

Today my ass was called 'big'

How is it possible that 6 letters can be so soul-crushingly painful?

It is funny how one can go from feeling positive and happier with themselves one week and then to feeling like you are nothing.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Honestly - does God hate me?

I mean really? He has already given me an ass the size of Brazil and according to Adry - "huge pores"... does God really need to heap more suffering on me?

Alright in the grand scheme of things my suffering isn't the stuff that makes Amnesty International start a letter writing campaign but to me it is suffering. And doesn't the old saying go 'nobody's problems are bigger or more important than my own'? Maybe that isn't an old saying and I just made it up, but either way it is how I view things at this moment.

So what has my proverbial knickers in a twist? My "job". For those who care, I was accepted at Le Cordon Bleu but turned it down to take a position in my field. So the chef dream is gone. But I am ok with that. Perhaps 'ok' is not the right word as I still have my moments of blinding disappointment but I deal.

However, I digress.... my new workplace has it's 'quirks', but the people are great and I enjoy coming in and getting stuck into the work. I love having ownership of what I do and being involved in all aspects. I am a hands-on control freak. Well all that has pretty much changed ... there is a 'new sheriff' in town who has completely taken over. So what am I doing here? What is the point. They might as well put a monkey here as this is what the job is being reduced to.

I am just soooooo not happy about this. Now I am back to square one of what do I do. It isn't like there are a 1000 companies knocking at my door.

At least I will have time to work on my blog and chronicle my pathetic slide into nothingness.

Won't that be great reading?

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

One small step

Hooray for me! I have taken the first baby steps on my long long road to health and fitness!

I have been for 4 WALKS! Yup. Last week, I was up at 5.30am hitting the pavement. I even did lunges at the park one day! My thighs were burning but it was a great feeling.

Adry and I went for 2 walks on the weekend. Sunday was a short one as I was burdened with horrible lady pains. I should have sucked it up and kept going and walked through the pain but honestly it was all I could to stop throwing up by the canal and impaling myself on one of the pillars to stop the pain.

I didn't walk Monday morning or this morning as had to be in work early but I will hopefully find 30 minutes to get out there this evening.

I also bought a stability ball and 10lb weights, so I want to incorporate getting some exercise on that in.

I have dug out some of the old workouts that Ambegela and I did with Cat. Yikes. Lots of lunges and push-ups. But I can do it!

According to my height-weight ratio scale, my body weight should be between 126-154. Is that in pounds? I would be a skeleton! And that would mean I have to lose almost 80lbs! WTF!

Oh well ... the journey continues!

Friday, 16 April 2010

Step One

Well, I have completed step one of my transformation - I actually got out of bed and went for a walk at 5.45am! Yeah me! I had a quick trot around the block and even managed to jog - people sleeping may have awoke in terror thinking there was an earthquake - not to worry, just me running!

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Mission Failure (again)

Well not surprisingly I didn't make it to the gym. Ok that isn't exactly true ... I did go to the gym to find out what is happening with the membership I have. Apparently I am not in the system! Excuse me while I pick what is left of my dignity up off the floor (forget that - it is too far away and I am too fat to bend over like that... stuff it I will leave my dignity on the floor).

I set my alarm to get up and go for a walk but yeah after a night of staring at the ceiling and playing word mole at 4am, that didn't happen.

But, I did walk up 4 flights of stairs at work this morning. I nearly dialled 9-1-1 but thankfully the pounding in my chest and the wheezing stopped after an hour or so. Is that a bad sign?

Today is a new day and a new beginning... blah blah blah

No magic pills yet

Alas, the Skinny Fairy has not left any magic fat melting pill under my pillow. It seems the only way to realize my true destiny of being thin (or at least not requiring fabric from the local circus big-top to cover my ass) ... I must exercise.

And I cannot classify exercise as making a cup of tea; knitting; watching other people engage in physical activity or imaginging myself fit and thin. Because to date none of those activities have resulted in a smaller pant size. And in actual fact have resulted in a larger pant size.

Why should I be defined by the size of my ass? What does it matter what number is printed inside my pants - does it make me a better person? Does the world stop functioning because I had some chocolate?

At one time, women were celebrated and lauded for having curves. Have you ever seen a size 0 painting Sistine Chapel? No! Now, well god forbid your pants have 2 digits in them and lord almighty god forbid the numbers begin with a 2.

Would I love to be able to walk into a shop and find a pair of pants that do not require elastic or enough fabric to span a football field. Absolutely. But for once in my fat-assed life, I would love for someone to look at me and not see a body but to see a person.

Of course, I will also be flying to the moon on my pink unicorn named fluffy when that happens.

Tonight, I shall make my way to the gym. Where of course it will be filled with thin toned people. Hooray

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Monday ....

One day, I hope to find my self esteem and pull it out of the gutter ...

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

A reason to go to work

I consider myself very fortunate to have some wonderful life-long friends.
They have been with me from my yellow sweater wearing days, the pre-dance tang crystals and vodka cocktails, the foreigner with the ginger-ale and as co-founder of 'pat-ange'.
My years of slaving away for 'the man' have also brought some divine people into my life, one of the latest fabulous people I am privelaged to know is 'Gloria'. She is beyond kind and is incredibly special.
God bless her as she makes coming into work every day a joy.....