Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Unconditional love

I spent Easter weekend visiting my parents. My 97 year old Grandfather was also visiting. He is still a spunky as ever, perhaps a little bit slower to get up the stairs, but all told amazingly well.

While chatting with my mum, whom I love dearly, she was so very kind as to make reference to my weight (not a sore subject at all). Now, I thought parents were supposed love their children unconditionally? Love us as we are - well apparently not on Saturday night. That was the night my mum thought it appropriate to point out that my ass is quite large and seemingly expanding at every turn.

Well thank you for that Captain Obvious. Of course, I regressed to being a 12 year old and thought 'oh yeah, I will show you, I will lose so much weight I will be anorexic' (apologies to all those suffering from the dreadful disease but in the heat of the moment of feeling completely and utterly worthless stupid thoughts crept into my head). But hells bells you would think I was Jabba The Hutt and oozing fat from every pore.

Now, one should know that I was not always heavy but I suppose I could be called what is 'big boned, broad shouldered' - crickey, I am 5'8 and have hips! But of course, those partying, drinking, eating crap days of my 20's weren't kind to me and I never really did anything about it apart from buying bigger pants.

A few years ago, in the midst of a relationship crisis, I hit the gym hard with my dear friend Ambegela and through blood, sweat and tears, lost a good stack of weight. I felt great and was on my way to having a body I was happy with and could buy clothes made for normal people and not a walrus. But the relationship went really bad .. (I mean really bad) and like most women, I sought solice in ice cream, chips and dip and anything else that didn't move and if it did move slowly enough, I ate it too. So the 25lbs I lost came back with a vengence along with 30lbs more pounds to keep it company.

My mother was quick to remind me of how good I looked then, because clearly I am now repulsive and small children fear me.

Does my mother think I am happy with my current waist line? Does she think I jump out of bed and shout a chorous of hallelujahs? Well firstly I am so fat and out of shape I can't jump and secondly I am so tired all the time from being out of shape that I have to drag myself out of bed.

I guess her words were meant to be encouraging and caring. Once I scrape what little dignity and self worth I had left off the bottom of her shoe, I am sure I will appreciate her concern but until then, I shall continue on the path to getting fit despite what she said and do it for myself.

Oh and of course pray that they make a little pill that will melt all the fat away .... one can hope for a miracle.

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